Four.

There’s this moment that happens when I first wake up on a Sunday morning when I can swear for a breath of a second that I hear him breathing next to me.  And for that fleeting moment I am warm and my heart feels again. And just as quickly it comes, it’s gone. And he’s gone, and I am left cold and lonely, mourning the loss of him all over again.

I haven’t written in a few weeks because I haven’t been able to collect my thoughts in a cohesive manner worthy of blogging about. I just rounded the four month corner, and my mind is running at 1000mph thinking about how I’ve even made it this far. It’s been four months, and I miss him more everyday; he’s on my mind as often as I breathe and his absence in my life is noticeable with every single heartbeat.

I miss you, Andre. I miss your eyes and the look you saved just for me. The look that gave me butterflies. The look that made me know that the connection between us was so undeniably real that there was no circumstance that could tear us apart.

No circumstance except this one.

The rest of our lives became the rest of yours.

I miss the life that we had.

My heart hurts so much without you. 

I miss you.

“With you, I fall
It’s like I’m leaving all my past and silhouettes up on the wall
With you, I’m a beautiful mess
It’s like we’re standing hand and hand with all our fears up on the edge”

 

 

 

 

 

 

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