Stop.

I won’t ask for much this Christmas
I don’t even wish for snow
I’m just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe

At this time a year ago I was worried about having enough time and money to buy everyone presents.

Stop.

I was worried that Andre would forget to order the Duck that he insisted I cook every year for Christmas Eve Dinner.

Stop.

I was so overwhelmed by the thought that I had to clean and cook and decorate and wrap.

Stop.

I was waking up in the middle of the night because I forgot to move the stupid elf.

Stop.

I was juggling all of the above on top of trying not to disappoint my children by failing to attend all of their holiday parties and concerts at school which are conveniently scheduled in the middle of the work day.

Stop.

I was wishing to add just two more hours to the day to be able to squeeze in baking cookies and driving to see lights and watching Christmas movies with my little family of four.

Stop.

And less than 365 days later I wish I had all of that back. I wish to have someone who would help me put up the Christmas tree while making his special homemade hot chocolate and forcing me to listen to Robert Goulet’s awful Christmas album.

I wish I had someone to tell me when I’ve bought enough for everyone and that I’m doing a good job.

I wish I had my other half for holiday parties and to torture with Christmas music in the car while I sing as loudly as possible while he announces once more how many more days until Christmas is over so he won’t have to listen to it anymore for another year.

I miss turning up Paul McCartney’s “Simply having a wonderful Christmas time” a little louder because we all know it’s his favorite Christmas song.

I miss kissing him under the fake mistletoe.

I miss my yearly meltdown about not being able to find the recipe for the perfect blueberry sauce to go with the duck, that I will inevitably find exactly where it always is.

I had no idea that amongst all of the stress and craziness of Christmas last year that it would be our last as a family of four and what I would give to have just one more.

How I wish he could see the joy on the girls faces in Christmas Day. How he would drink coquito In is coffee Christmas morning and remind me that this was his most brilliant idea ever- and why hasn’t anyone been adding coquito to coffee all of this time?

So next time you’re caught up in all holiday stuff; the stress, the commercialism, the anxiety, the overwhelming feelings…

… just stop.

Take a second to enjoy what is around you. Sit with person/people you love in front of the Christmas tree or the menorah or whatever you use and take a second to stop.

Let it all sink in; the sounds, the smells, the sights. Because you have no idea when this one will be the last one.

God knows I wish I knew.

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